Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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