he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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