Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
