I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
