I'm lost and stupid without you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
