Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
