so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
