My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You smell like stripper and shame
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
