that's an acceptable place to lick
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
