Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she told me i tasted like america
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
