I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
