whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
