can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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