Whatcha textin bout Willis?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
