Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
