she sounds like chewbacca in bed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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