The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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