is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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