Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
