it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
