Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
