Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Randomize
