I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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