i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
