I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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