I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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