ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
