Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
