I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
