Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
