I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
