So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just got carded by a ten year old.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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