Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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