I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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