You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
