I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
