That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
