Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
