Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
