You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
