hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
