Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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