the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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