if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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