so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
