i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
