i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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