halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
