You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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