i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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