I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
