my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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