how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
