i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
