I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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