So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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