You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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