I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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