Church boner. Awkwardddd
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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