Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I seem to have left my pride at pride
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
