I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
