Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
