someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
