People in love make me want to vomit
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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